Caregiver Hints

A common problem (which I cover as a major topic) is the stress related to juggling too many responsibilities related to caring for others. These tasks are, of course piled on top of one’s normal, personal responsibilities. While there is always a compulsion to allow yourself to be manipulated by guilt, responsibility, or the urgings of the individual being cared for, it is extremely important to set boundaries for yourself to prevent you from getting burnt out…an all too common occurrence, especially for the lone caregiver.

One of my biggest failings when I first started caring for my Mother is that I would spend multiple hours visiting her. She liked the company and didn’t want me to leave so I would draw this out as long as I could. This often meant I would get home arounf 9 or 10 pm, not leaving me enough time to do chores, pay bills, or even eat a healthy meal without staying up late and affecting my sleeping patterns. This habit will (and did, in my case) snowball into more and more problems down the line.

I found the best way to combat this was to keep visits relatively short, about 30-45 minutes, with a definite deadline to leave, and sometimes with a specific agenda like bringing books or groceries. Once this pattern was established, it was easier for both me and my Mother. Granted, she still wanted me to stay, but I felt less rushed and tense which made it a more pleasant visit I think. Also, the shorter visits made it a little easier to throw in an extra short visit from time to time. It also seemed to help to keep the visits on a schedule so they fell on the same days most of the time. This seemed better for my Mom since instead of wondering when I would stop by, she could always look forward to my visits on particular days. Elderly people seem to be comforted by consistency and knowing when things are going to happen.

Also, make use of the phone. In lieu of a visit, or if you can’t make a visit, call the person on the phone (using the same time boundaries…or shorter) so they know you are thinking of them. If a person with physical disabilities starts to have trouble with the phone, this pattern may have to change. I’ll cover more on this in other postings.

Probably the most difficult question a caregiver asks themselves is…am I doing enough?

What makes this a particularly tricky question is that there is really no way to gauge it. Every “patient” will have different needs, and each caregiver will have different resources. One of the dangers is that most caregivers do not have a chance to determine their available resources or do any kind of planning before their role as caregiver begins. Often, the rollercoaster ride begins when a sudden health “event” occurs. This can be a heat-attack, stroke, fall, or the onset of an illness such as Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s. The path after that can be a domino effect of successive events that don’t allow much time for planning, or catching one’s breath.

Here is where the danger begins…and I speak from unfortunate experience. By the time most people recognize that they are over-extending themselves, they are already running on fumes and the damage to one’s personal health has probably already begun. And if you are not careful, this damage can extend to your work and relationships.

…to be continued

A living will is a document which defines someone’s wishes as to whether or not to be kept on artificial life support. These documents can also appoint someone to make important health care decisions on that person’s behalf in case they are unable to do so.

A living will is not a replacement for a Power of Attorney. The living will only gives the hospital or care facility permission to take directives, from the person appointed in the living will, regarding health decisions. It does not cover any legal territory. In most cases a spouse or parent is allowed to make these directives without such a document, but it is best to consult with a lawyer regarding the details of your particular situation.

A living will may be useful if you happen to live far away from a parent and are receiving assistance from another non-immediate family member or friend whom you trust and may need to make quick medical decisions if you are unavailable.

Here is an article from USA Today which discusses this issue…

Living will laws, alone, can’t prevent end-of-life disputes

Too often, as people get wrapped up in the hurricane that can be the life of a caregiver, the first thing to become neglected is the health of the caregiver. I know, I’ve been there, and being aware isn’t enough. It is a constant battle not to loose yourself in the tasks of caring for someone, and even knowing it is happening is sometimes not enough to stop the neglectful tendencies, or to keep from falling back into bad habits. It can perhaps be one of the hardest parts of the job, but one of the most important because if YOU get sick, who will take care of you and the one you have been taking care of. Neglecting your own health is detrimental to everyone involved, although it is never obvious at the time.

This is a super important topic, so will be revisited often.